Issue #18: The 5-Step Guide to Losing $65k in Salary

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Why you're getting this: Welcome to My New Meta, where I (and sometimes my wife and business partner, Kirsten) analyze the ever-evolving "business meta"—those unwritten rules and strategies that actually work in modern entrepreneurship.

As your self-proclaimed #1 "Entrepreneur in Training," I share weekly insights from my adventures both in person and online.

Part strategy guide, part cautionary tale, part sitcom.

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Here’s what I’ve got for you today:

📈 Tired of all that embarrassing career growth?

🎉Tired of dodging promotions?

Well, you're in luck. As someone who spent three decades accidentally succeeding as a corporate real estate executive, I've compiled the ultimate guide to career self-sabotage.

🤪 If you don’t understand or like sarcasm (or irony), unsubscribe now.

TLDR:

• Master career invisibility to avoid that pesky $15k raise

• Keep your calendar chaotic to dodge $10k in responsibility pay

• Perfect indecision to prevent a $12k decision-maker bonus

• Avoid initiative like it's a $20k plague

• Reject all feedback to save $8k in growth opportunities

• Or do the opposite and pocket an extra $65k/year

Let’s get into it.

Small Intro

While everyone else was enjoying holiday downtime, we spent New Year's Day slightly hungover but still grinding

• closing ski resort deals for chargeFUZE,

• prepping investor pitches for a glamping development,

• planning a land development strategy offsite and

• getting organized for two upcoming chargeFUZE conventions.

Between juggling multiple ventures and trying to remember which business cards to hand out, I found myself reflecting on my three decades of corporate misadventures. Last week's showed you how to succeed.

😵 Now, it's time to flip the script.

Here's everything I did wrong in my corporate career: a complete guide to professional self-sabotage that, if avoided, could add $65,000+ to your annual salary.

Think of it as learning from my failures so you don't have to repeat them (unless you want to, in which case, consider this your perfect blueprint).

Lesson 1: Perfect the Art of Invisibility (-$15,000/year)

The Wallflower Method

Never volunteer for anything. Perfect that "someone else will handle it" mindset. When asked your opinion in meetings, deploy the ultimate stealth move: "Let me think about it and get back to you." (AKA: Never get back to them.)

Greg's Guide to Guaranteed Obscurity

I once spent six months complaining about our outdated CRM to anyone who'd listen. When my boss finally asked, "Have you researched any alternatives?" I made the rookie mistake of actually finding a solution.

The next thing I knew…promotion (yuk). Don't be like Past Greg. Keep those complaints flowing and those solutions hidden.

These damn promotions can happen at anytime…when you have accidentally done something right, take a sick day…trust me.

Warning Signs You're Failing at Failing

• People remember your name in meetings

• Your boss mentions "leadership potential"

• Someone calls you "proactive"

Tools to Avoid:

These dangerous tools might accidentally make you look competent:

• Slack for accidentally increasing your visibility through constant communication

• Asana for making your task completion too transparent

• Trello for potentially revealing your project management skills

Salary Impact Alert: Active participation and initiative typically lead to an additional $15k in annual salary. Maintain strict invisibility to avoid this unwanted income.

Lesson 2: Master Time Bankruptcy (-$10,000/year)

Never say no to anything. Schedule overlapping meetings. Respond to every email instantly, ensuring your day is driven by everyone else's priorities. Keep your calendar so packed that "planning" becomes a foreign concept.

Greg's Chaos Chronicles

Last month, I forgot to add buffer time between meetings in my Calendly settings, which led to three live client meetings back to back across Calgary. My strategy?: "The beauty of modern tech is you can be everywhere at once, right?" No

Warning Signs You're Getting Organized

• Your calendar has actual white space

• You finish tasks before they're due

• People stop asking, "Where are you?"

Tools to Avoid:

These cutting-edge tools might accidentally transform you into a productivity powerhouse.

• Sunsama for exposing your daily productivity through suspiciously efficient planning

• Clockwise for betraying your true organizational abilities with intelligent calendar defence

• Timely for dangerously documenting proof of your actual work output

Salary Impact Alert: Effective time management and reliability typically result in a $10k annual salary increase. Keep that calendar chaotic to protect yourself from raises.

…continued after the break…

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Lesson 3: The Decision-Dodger's Manifesto (-$12,000/year)

Perfect the art of indecision. Any time someone asks for your input, respond with "Let me think about it."

Follow up with absolutely nothing. For advanced practitioners: Schedule meetings to discuss scheduling future meetings.

Greg's Indecision Diary

Once spent six weeks "researching user feedback" on whether to switch our team from Slack to Discord.

By the time I finished my 28-tab spreadsheet, IT had already rolled out Teams company-wide.

Mission accomplished: zero responsibility taken.

Warning Signs You're Becoming Decisive

• People start asking for your opinion

• Projects actually reach completion

• Your team looks less confused

Tools To Avoid:

These tools might trick you into making actual progress.

• Notion for accidentally exposing your genius through suspiciously well-structured databases

• Airtable for betraying your secret data wizardry

• Lucidchart for revealing your dangerous flowcharts

Salary Impact Alert: Strong decision-making skills and project completion typically earn a $12k annual salary bump. Stay indecisive to keep your paycheck safely stagnant.

Lesson 4: The Responsibility Avoider's Guide (-$20,000/year)

Master the phrase: "That's not my job." When opportunities happen, look busy. If someone mentions "leadership potential," develop a sudden deep interest in your phone.

Remember: Every responsibility dodged is a step backward on the career ladder.

Greg's Dodge and Fail

As a young development coordinator, during a major land development crisis, I perfected the art of looking thoughtfully concerned while staring at the engineering drawings upside down and nodding wisely.

My winning strategy was to occasionally mumble, "have we considered the soil conditions?" until someone else solved the problem.

Unfortunately, I accidentally pointed out that we'd miss spring construction if we didn't start moving dirt immediately.

Next thing I knew, I was leading a $15M earthworks project with a title longer than my mortgage agreement. Don't make my mistake of accidentally knowing things.

Warning Signs You're Taking Initiative

• People start cc’ing you on important emails

• Your suggestions get implemented

• The word "promotion" enters conversations

Tools to Avoid:

These cutting-edge tools might showcase your organizational skills and leadership potential.

• Nifty for exposing your secret project genius through perfect timelines

• Qatalog for betraying your workflow mastery via efficient systems

• Wrike for accidentally revealing your PM powers through AI insights

Salary Impact Alert: Taking on additional responsibilities and showing leadership typically results in a $20k annual salary increase. Dodge those opportunities to keep your income safely mediocre.

Lesson 5: The Feedback-Proof Force Field (-$8,000/year)

Treat all feedback as a personal attack. Defend your methods vigorously (that is a big word I used Grammarly for), especially when they're clearly failing.

Remember: Growth is the enemy of career stagnation.

Greg's Guide to Avoiding Improvement

During the pandemic, I once received feedback that my Zoom meeting summaries were "a bit too detailed." Instead of adapting, I started including AI-generated heat maps of people’s facial expressions and noise analysis of background dog barks (looking at you, Michael).

Somehow, this landed me a role as Head of Remote Work Experience, which mainly involved teaching other people how to be less weird on camera.

Warning Signs You're Actually Growing

• You start welcoming constructive criticism

• Your work improves

• People seek your advice

Tools To Avoid:

These growth-inducing tools might accidentally make you invaluable.

• 15Five for creating a paper trail of your alarming personal development

• Culture Amp for infecting your team with dangerous levels of psychological safety

• Lattice for turning your carefully crafted mediocrity into measurable success

Salary Impact Alert: Embracing feedback and continuous improvement typically leads to an $8k annual salary increase. Stay defensive and stagnant to protect yourself from growth opportunities.

Total Potential Salary Impact of Avoiding All These Mistakes: -$65,000/year

THAT’S A WRAP

Remember: Success is just failure done backwards.

If you accidentally do the opposite of everything in this guide, don't blame me for your unwanted promotions and raises.

Salary Disclaimer: All salary figures are entirely made up but somehow accidentally accurate, based on my three decades of failing upwards in corporate real estate. Your results may vary, especially if you're better at self-sabotage than I was.

Past failure is no guarantee of future mediocrity.

Stay mediocre (or don't),

Greg "Failed at Failing" Mills

P.S. Hit reply with "FAILURE" to share your favourite career self-sabotage story. The best ones will be featured in our upcoming "Hall of Fame Fails" edition.

P.P.S. Some people have asked about coaching on how to be more successful. To maintain my commitment to failure, I refuse to help. (But if you insist, hit reply.)

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Here are some back issues if you are just not sure yet:

Issue #17: How To Fail Less Spectacularly In 2025 

Issue #16: The 2024 Lab Report: Experiments, Explosions, and Expensive Lessons 

Issue #15: How I Became a Tech Bro Without Learning to Code 

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